I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
