two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
