it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
