ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
True college students do jello shots in the library
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