u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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