Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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