I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
