Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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