your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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