plz talk dirty to me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
