I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
