I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
