Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
