my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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