oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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