I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I had to cum in my sink.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
