Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
