so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize