im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize