I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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