and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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