I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
