If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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