she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just found puke in my bra..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
