You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
