Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
