My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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