I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
