the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
