what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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