I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
