you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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