Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
