The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I will be naked everywhere
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
