Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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