Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
