u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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