Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
