If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
