Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
