You're completely useless in the revolution.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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