i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
