On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My vagina just recognized that song.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
