I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
