did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize