If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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