i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
