Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The air was thick with penises
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
