oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
