Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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