I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
