so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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