I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
