i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
