it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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