The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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