omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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