WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
