biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
