I met the friendliest cop last night
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
