drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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