You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
not ubering you a puppy
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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