i think my tv is drunk
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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