Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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