I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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