So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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