Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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