I want to stick my p in your. b.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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