Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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