You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
