I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
