in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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